Crying.....

The rain drops are dropping onto my umbrella, I could see their drops through my cheap plastic umbrella...it makes me feel even more sad...
today is a gloomy day.., for real..n for me..
it might be the weather that makes me even more melancholic..

I went back from uni with the lazy steps ever today, I didn't dancing as usual. my eyes were not look forward, instead they were lok down or sometimes look at the sky..i put my head down..
I even ignored those leaves that I usually pick every times I'm walking for my luck. but not today..I do not have a passion to chase my luck today.

I am not a kinda person that complain and crying about her life. but today, I'm crying...I'm not complain though...I feel so...so...soooooo lonely now, so depressed and loosing grips.what does make me this way?
I don't know if it's really because of I was failed in my first design assignment, or there were something else? now...I start to put my self down..which is I've never done before. I start to think as the most stupid student in my class, start to think what am I doing in here? start to count all of my problems that usually I never think.
furthermore, I start to think about my life here. I knew..I already new that I have financial problems that I might be can't live in my last semster. but I usually never think about that, cuz I believe that I'll find a way..

I don't wanna feel this way..being negative. it just not me at all..
but..I am only human... I'm still a little girl probably, my daddy little girl that pretended to be a strong woman..

am I living a lie? I don't wanna say yes for that..
I'm just hopping this is a monthly woman problem that makes me this sensitive.

well, even though I am just my daddy's little girl, practically i have to live as a strong independent woman. cuz my daddy is not here..
I miss my daddy to hug me, my mum to kiss my hair..
but not, they're not here..and I can't even tell them that I'm still their little girl.
they're gonna see me moving forward..
I'll find my grips back..and hold them tight.

however, I just need a little time now, for my self..just to cry..
I can't moving on if I still have all these negative things in my minds
I'm just gonna close my eyes, so my tears will stay there, hopefully they'll running back into my brain and my heart so then they could wash them and refresh them.

I need a sleep now...

Me..Me..Me...

Adhitia Sofyan's song - After the rain, is playing on my ipod now, with my head down and long breathing, my mind has its own journey. I'm thinking of where I would be? what am I gonna be? who is I'm gonna falling into? and I'm thinking of heaven.. :) my heaven. offcourse I'm not talking about a real happen, only God who's know that I'm gonna go there or not.. I hope so Though :p

I'm thinking about heaven in my mind, in my heart
thinking of who am I? what kinda person am I?
therefore, this post will be totally a diary page :p
I'm gonna talk about me, me, and me..

I am not an ordinary girl, but some people discount on me, well, it's ok, I don't mind with it.
I am not beautiful, I am not the same with other though..
I am an abnormal probably...
or I can say that I might be trapped in my own pandora.
it's like I'm stopping to growing up
because I still believe in dreams and fantasy..

Autumn is my favorite season, eventhough autumn in sydney is not as beautiful as autumn in other four seasons country, I still love this time.
Everyday, I ended up going home with bring leaves, at least one will be kept in my bag.
On the way from uni to my house, I walk and dancing and singing, when I am happy.
Picking those dandelion and blow it, then try to cacth the pieces, if I could cacth it, then I believe I'll get my luck :)
so does with the leaves. I believe those leaves bring me luck.

I am a person who always happy, at least Itry to be happy.
I don't want to think anything that makes me unhappy.
so, I'd rather not think about my problems, then left it instead and hopping that God will show me the way to solf it.

Busy thinking about today, tomorrow is tomorrow.
that's only for problems..
but for happines..I'm happy to think about it.
I love to plan my travel destination and always believe that I will do it.
eventhough I don't have money now, I just believe.. that I'll make it :)

I try not to think about love stuff, it just dissapointed me. Been in love with someone that I should not in love to makes me don't wanna think about love anymore.
This is the only problem that is really difficuld to get rid of it.
I've been trying to erase, forget, all the things..., but it just not that easy.

Loosing a best friend is another thing that I don't want to think about.
sometimes we just can't get everything to ourself, and sometimes when you're away, you'll know who really love you, who does not.

lately finding that my family is everything ( well, I love my family since forever, but now, I love 'em more and more), as I told you before, being away shows you how some people accept you just the way you are, while the others judge you. my Family, they are everything's to me now.. since I'm leaving by myself now, start to stand on my own feet, they support me always.

I think.. I might be moving on ow..in everything
I'll go to my heaven, to places where i want to go, to my journey..
mmm..it's might be an escape, but well...that's the way it is :)

March 2010

At minddy's birthday"violet"party

Heeeyy...ketemu lagi..
ingin mengupdate cerita hidup lagi niih..hehehe :p
actually, I also wanna write some creepy love stuff :p dangdut feeling lah ceritanya..but may be not now..

ok....let's start from Uni story..
ow, no..I'll tell you about somethin else first. kali ini aku pake bahasa indonesia aja..hahaha..takut2nya mantan bosku baca :p ( mudah2an aja dia nggak suntuk pake google translate....nyaaaaampyun..gr bgt sih gw..kaya dia ngeh aja ama blog ini :p
well, ceritanya, sekarang aku uda berhenti kerja sebagai sales representative.
abis bos ku brengsek..kurang ajar..mereka nggak bayar gaji aku dgn bener ( salah aku sih..ngambil kerjaan yg nggak pake kontrak n nggak pake pajak, jadinya aku nggak bisa nuntut )
so, alhasil aku berhenti, dan mereka masih berhutang a.k.a belum bayar gajiku $400 lebih...buat mahasiswa kaya aku, itu banyak dooong...plus $900 lagi yg nggak bisa diuangkan gara2 mereka kerja nggak bener dan aku bener2 kehilangan angka 900 itu..hiks...;(

tapi, yasudahlah..rejeki itu ada lain insyaAllah..ya nggak seeh...hehehe
dan lagian sebenarnya alasan utama aku berhenti kerja karena aku mau fokus kuliah, giilaaa man..kuliahku padat banget,,,tugasnya mampus2an..

I'll tell you about my study and assignments, one of the studio is "drawing in music" nah..itu mata kuliah diciplinary transformation...halaah...pokoknya hubungan arsitektur dengan disiplin ilmu lainnya, dan aku ngambilnya music..
I thouht it's gonna be music like the music that i like to listen to, music2 sekarang laaah..ato kaloopun dulu punya..jenis2 'song" man...
tapi ternyata???? it's about composer..WHAAT???? mempelajari not, composisi music, aliran2 serialism, minimalis..bla...bla...bla...blank!!!

so..., all of my reading are about the music, and I have to write about 5000 words research proposal plus designing something!!!my godness...mau gila..!!!

plus mata kuliah2 lainnya yg nggak kalah bikin pusing...but anyway..
hehehehe
this is a good part..in one of my subject, mata kuliah computer program gitu..
I have a damn cute tutor..hahahaha
sumprit...cakep bgt.., jadinya aku semangat ikut kelas yg satu ini..
ngeceng booow
hahahaha
dan aku rasa umurnya ngg sebayaan n nggak jauh2 bgt ama kita..eeh..hmmm...he's fu**n cute :p

hmmm..apalagi yaa? perkembangan terakhir...
I love sydney..hahahaha
teman2 baru disini juga asik2...
they're nice,,


walaupun tentu aja aku nggak bisa benar2 menyebut mereka teman..
it's different man..
soalnya..kalau teman2 di Aceh..they really know me..( refers to anak2 radioku and my girls from architecture, tentu saja buat my best friend juga)
walaupun ada juga org2 yg resek, well, they're not my friends though..cuma org2 yg kukenal aja...hehhee
but my real friends...they accept me just the way I am..

mereka bakal ngerti dengan segala kelebayanku..hahaha
dan ngomong2 tentang lebay..
tentu saja disini tingkat lebay ku naik level..hahaha, tambah lebay
hobby ngumpulin daun..
aku pasti setiap harinya akan mengantongi, mentaskan(????), atau apapun istilahnya yg berarti memungut dan membwa pulang daun yg aku pungut dari jalan..
<-------That's my vision board..or "gado2 board" lebih tepatnya, isinya..jadwal, tugas, target..tapi paling banyak..rencana travel..hahahaha..mostly my dreams


benar2 jenis org yg mengikuti kata hati saat itu juga,
aku akan merasa tidak tenang kalau seandaynya aku nggak memungut daun yg menarik perhatianku..
jadi jangan heran kalau masuk kamarku akan banyak daun2 tergeletak..di atas meja.., di tancapkan ke sticky board, di dalam tas, di ats printer, di kotak pingsil, di selipan buku, di dompet..you'll find leaves everywhere...
:p
aku percaya dan selalu mengarang kalau daun itu membawa keberuntungan dan pertanda dari TUhan kalau mimpi2ku akan terwujud (??????what??? ya!!itu sample lebay-ku yg semakin lama semakin parah)

What else??? coffee!!!!
aku uda pernah cerita belum? kalau disini tingkat ngopiku tambah parah..setiap hari..HARUS!!! minum kopi hitam tanpa gula!!! or I couldn't think!! my brain won't work!!! Another leaf and a cup of coffee..itu cuma kopi instant, I don't lik eit..tapi daripada nggak ada..bnoleh juga deh..need to stay awake tonite

No way!!! uda jam 2.51 am, and I don't even touch my assignment yet!!! padahal besok aku harus sudah menghasilkan mapping dan diagram analisa theory(don't worry about that...itu tugasku yg ntah apa2...) so..have to end it here..
talk to you later
:)