Crying.....

The rain drops are dropping onto my umbrella, I could see their drops through my cheap plastic umbrella...it makes me feel even more sad...
today is a gloomy day.., for real..n for me..
it might be the weather that makes me even more melancholic..

I went back from uni with the lazy steps ever today, I didn't dancing as usual. my eyes were not look forward, instead they were lok down or sometimes look at the sky..i put my head down..
I even ignored those leaves that I usually pick every times I'm walking for my luck. but not today..I do not have a passion to chase my luck today.

I am not a kinda person that complain and crying about her life. but today, I'm crying...I'm not complain though...I feel so...so...soooooo lonely now, so depressed and loosing grips.what does make me this way?
I don't know if it's really because of I was failed in my first design assignment, or there were something else? now...I start to put my self down..which is I've never done before. I start to think as the most stupid student in my class, start to think what am I doing in here? start to count all of my problems that usually I never think.
furthermore, I start to think about my life here. I knew..I already new that I have financial problems that I might be can't live in my last semster. but I usually never think about that, cuz I believe that I'll find a way..

I don't wanna feel this way..being negative. it just not me at all..
but..I am only human... I'm still a little girl probably, my daddy little girl that pretended to be a strong woman..

am I living a lie? I don't wanna say yes for that..
I'm just hopping this is a monthly woman problem that makes me this sensitive.

well, even though I am just my daddy's little girl, practically i have to live as a strong independent woman. cuz my daddy is not here..
I miss my daddy to hug me, my mum to kiss my hair..
but not, they're not here..and I can't even tell them that I'm still their little girl.
they're gonna see me moving forward..
I'll find my grips back..and hold them tight.

however, I just need a little time now, for my self..just to cry..
I can't moving on if I still have all these negative things in my minds
I'm just gonna close my eyes, so my tears will stay there, hopefully they'll running back into my brain and my heart so then they could wash them and refresh them.

I need a sleep now...